


I lost him to you

by Myeongluvr



Series: WEUS fics inspired by songs! [3]
Category: ONEUS (Band), ONEWE (Band)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Awkward Romance, Chapter 2 is lighter, Character Death, Childhood Friends, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, House Party, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Rare Pairings, References to Depression, Songfic, breif enemy to lovers, sorry hwanwoong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 15:07:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29297883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Myeongluvr/pseuds/Myeongluvr
Summary: Dongju returns home one year after Dongmyeong's passing to get his revenge. He knows in his heart that Hwanwoong is the one to blame for the loss of his brother.With anger from the past burning up inside him he returns home to find out what's changed but running into Hyungu's arms gives him another reason to stay.
Relationships: Son Dongju | Xion/Kang Hyungu | Kanghyun, Son Dongju | Xion/Yeo Hwanwoong
Series: WEUS fics inspired by songs! [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2141055
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	1. (Is there even a) Brighter Side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the sequal to [Arms Tonite](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29114487) You don't have to read that fic to read this one but it will give you a clearer understanding of what happened to Dongmyeong so if you have time I'd recommend checking it out! It's only short 
> 
> This fic is inspired by [brighter side](https://open.spotify.com/track/4MaZLFVbLmWG8vNl4KFeSB?si=W7gzbdtBTaKSUh6XZBItxA) by opm but compared to the other 2 fics its not that connected because I got carried away by the plot! Sorry, Hwanwoong I promise in my next universe you will be the amazing nice guy you are! 
> 
> just a reminder that the idols appearing in this fic are just characters I use for the sake of telling this story and are very out of character from their real persona! this is a work of pure fiction and is not a portrayal of them irl!
> 
> Hyungu and Dongju will be covered in chapter 2 I promise they're here!! 
> 
> Please read the tags as this fic does cover dark topics such as death and the aftermath, depression and anxiety.

Dongju’s leg can’t stop shaking as he sits on the plane. He can’t stay still and relax for the flight. His fingers tapping against the window at a rapid pace. He can feel the old man next to him sigh but he doesn’t care. He’s probably only going on a holiday by the looks of him in his bright pineapple print shirt and a straw hat that just makes the outfit look even more ridiculous than it was. He’s lucky he can feel at ease as he’s in the air. Dongju can’t. Dongju can’t feel a lot of things right now. He’s uneasy waiting to land. He’s already too late but he has to find him, he has to find Hwanwoong. 

Dongju was never a pusher, he had a lot of patience but today was not a day he could wait around. He pushed past the long line of people waiting to collect their luggage from the spinning conveyor belt. He ignored the annoyance that came from the people waiting. It wasn’t like he had any luggage to collect. He had pre-shipped his things to Dongmyeong’s old apartment. Dongmyeong had a 3-year lease on his apartment so Dongju decided to take the opportunity to stay there for the last year until he could afford to move to a new place. He just had himself, some cash, and DoongDoongie. He had needed the emotional support his bear gave him more than ever.

Dongmyeong was gone. Dongju had lost him. The case was closed, put down to a drunken accident but Dongju knows that’s not the truth. He knows that Dongmyeong hadn’t drunkenly stumbled to his death. Dongmyeong never drank much, he hated the feeling of being drunk so he stayed sober, always. The red flags in his head were flashing as all fingers pointed at Hwanwoong. He had everything to win.

Dongju never liked Hwanwoong, from the first time they met until the day he came with Dongmyeong to wave Dongju off in the airport. 

Hwanwoong had this charming aura, one that made you want to stick with him. Dongmyeong fell easily for his charms, Dongju not so much. Dongju had always been the warry type, if someone was just too nice he didn’t fully trust them. He watched from afar with how Dongmyeong went from a new student to Hwanwoong’s sidekick, doing all his work for him. Hwanwoong thought he was school royalty. He was loved by all and had big dreams that he was going to make happen, whatever the means. Dongju, however, wasn’t all that convinced. Hwanwoong was a great actor and dancer, when he was on stage he was incredible. His downfall however was that he was hard to work with. He didn’t accept any criticism, he definitely didn’t like it when Dongju a “lowlife” told him he was off-center. Dongju the so-called “lowlife” was just trying to help him get the best possible shots for the camera. Dongju soon stopped caring, letting Hwanwoong mess up on his own. If he didn’t respect the backstage crew that was his problem

When Dongju left home to go for his internship overseas, Hwanwoong just had to tag along with Dongmyeong to wave goodbye. Dongju never knew that would have been the last time he saw his brother. He never knew that the fake smile Hwanwoong wore was something Dongju should have spoken up about. He should have tried harder to get Dongmyeong to come with him and not left him with Hwanwoong. He should have done a lot, but how could he have known that things would have turned out in that way. 

It’s the year anniversary and Dongju’s first time to visit home properly. He hadn’t had the opportunity to come home until one of his coworkers at the internship had covered for him to attend the funeral. 

Now the internship was over, he turned down the full-time job to come home and find out what really happened to Dongmyeong. He had to lie and say that the company wasn’t suitable. The company had many opportunities except for the one Dongju needed, to find the truth about Dongmyeong.

_Can't believe it's been a year  
Since you flew away  
And I never got to say goodbye _

Dongju lets the wind fly through his bun, letting the stray hairs fall out. He decided to grow his hair out, a starking chance from how he used to have it short and brown just like Dongmyeong. He told himself that he decided to change to follow the trends but he knew the real reason was that he couldn’t stand looking at himself in the mirror, the reflection that stared back at him brought painful memories.

He saw the bouquet of flowers already placed next to the tombstone, the red roses starking from the wet grass. They were wrapped in a dark purple wrapping film. A card was poking out of it that Dongju couldn’t resist reading. He and Dongmyeong were both very curious souls.

The card was addressed to Hwanwoong, a congratulatory message from one of his fans. Flames of anger ignited in Dongju as he tore the card apart. How dare Hwanwoong dump his flowers here knowing he is the reason Dongmyeong is dead. He’s lucky he escaped being punished, visiting Dongmyeong just to dump flowers is a new low. Dongju didn’t want to show Dongmyeong he was in pain so he took the flowers and walked around the corner so he could rip them apart without his brother knowing. His brother still saw him, however. 

“Stupid, stupid, stupid” Dongju ripped each petal of the flower as if he was unwrapping a gift, his hands tearing everything he could reach apart. He didn’t notice the thorns that had pricked his fingers, cutting the skin on his fingertips. The pain just brought more anger to him. 

He throws them into the bin, using his sleeve to wipe away the tears that started flowing along his cheeks. He didn’t want to cry in front of Dongmyeong, yet he did.

He wants Dongmyeong to come back and he wishes every second of the day that he could turn back time. He sits on the wet grass, eyes glued to the stone hoping that wishing will make Dongmyeong be beside him, hugging him, telling him how much of a good job he’s doing. No one told him it would be this hard. Every day is as painful as the next.

During the time Dongju didn’t realise the manipulation, there were red flags but he never pinned them together. When he thinks about it long enough he curses at himself, he should have picked it up sooner. Hwanwoong was jealous of Dongmyeong, the younger boy would get roles since he was talented but more importantly easy to work with. Everyone loved Dongmyeong. He would light up the room. Dongmyeong only got background roles but the fact Hwanwoong got none made the older furious. Dongju wasn’t around during the theatre times, he had already left for his internship overseas. He never saw the jealousy, all the stories Dongmyeong fed back to him was just him admiring the older so he never got the full picture.

There was one thing that Dongju can’t forget or even forgive himself for. He had kept a secret from Dongmyeong, one that revealed Hwanwoong’s true colours. If Dongju could turn back the time he would have spoken out right then and there, but he didn’t and he got the worst type of karma in return.

It was yet another party Dongmyeong dragged him to. Hwanwoong was there along with every other theatre major. Dongju truthfully just wanted to be home and watch Frozen, wrapped up in his blanket with Doongdoongie. Dongmyeong, however, tipped off that the town celebrity, Kim Geonhak would be there and Dongju instantly changed his mind. He did maybe like to look at Geonhak from afar, his status was way too high for Dongju to ever dream of speaking to him. Geonhak was the heir to a snack bar company, he was good friends with Kim Youngjo a fashion major, also the person who was hosting the party.

Dongju threw on a blazer over his knitted white shirt and headed to the party with Dongmyeong who was all dressed up, for Hwanwoong of course. They never intended to match but they did and Dongju secretly liked it, he’d never admit to that.

Dongju wasn’t extroverted, he kept to himself and it worked well for him. He liked to watch people, imagine what their life stories are and what led them to being here in this moment. Dongju had a vivid imagination. He sipped his drink, the classic red plastic cup never leaving his hands, he knew better than to leave a drink unattended. Dongju was like his brother and didn’t drink a lot. Both of them were brought up in a household where alcohol was taught to be a bad thing so they were never curious about it. The idea of a hangover is a nightmare for Dongju. He didn’t understand why people put themselves through it. 

Something about that night made Dongju drink a little more than usual, maybe it was the fact it was the start of winter break, or maybe it was because Kim Geonhak was walking about and that just made Dongju even thirstier. By the time the clock struck at midnight, Dongju’s mind was a little hazy and he found everything funnier than normal.

Dongju made his way through the corridor of the apartment, he was bored of watching people dance and grind on each other. He passed Giwook at the DJ booth, Dongmyeong was chatting with him about his playlist and they both smiled at him. Dongju lifted his hand before he slipped out of the room, the music still just as loud.

The corridor was filled with people, It was packed in the house. Dongju could barely wiggle through to get to the balcony. He just needed some fresh air. His head spinning too much with the substance from the cup in his hand.

As soon as he reaches outside he takes a deep breath of air, his hands clutching the railing. He feels like he’s walking on air as holds tightly looking down at the passing traffic below. He was just starting to relax when a hand landed on his shoulder making him jump in surprise. He twists his body to see who’s the owner of the hand. It was Hwanwoong.

“What are you doing here?” Dongju asks as he straightens his jacket. Hwawoong giggles at him, he’s had too much to drink with how pink his cheeks are.

“I needed some air. Why are you here?” Hwanwoong’s finger points into Dongju’s chest.

“Same” Dongju swats his finger away. He and Hwanwoong are frenemies, fake friends around people but secretly dislike each other. Well that was what Dongju thought.

“You dressed up today” Hwanwoong smirks as he grips onto Dongju’s jacket keeping him from rushing off. Dongju looks down at the small hands then back to Hwanwoong.

“It’s Dongmyeong’s idea” Dongju lies, he doesn’t want Hwanwoong to know he secretly hoped Geonhak would take note of his appearance and say hi. 

“You look nice”

“Thanks” Dongju doesn’t know if the boy is serious or not. Hwanwoong still hasn’t let go of his jacket, his blonde hair falling over his eyes and it irritates Dongju. He sweeps Hwanwoong’s hair for him, not missing the “cute” the other whispers out. 

“Did you come alone?” Hwanwoong asks, his hands slowly moving upwards.

“I came with Dongmyeong”

“So alone.” Dongju doesn’t have the energy to argue back and forth with him. He doesn’t really want to be here with Hwanwoong. He could easily force himself away but he doesn’t. Hwanwoong is like a magnet, he knows how to keep you waiting, even if you don’t know what you’re waiting for.

Hwanwoong’s hands cup Dongju’s cheeks, he doesn’t give Dongju time to process what’s happening before he lines up his lips with Dongju, kissing him with an unwanted amount of passion.

Dongju’s frozen. His brain short circuits and he takes Hwanwoong’s lips with his own, kissing him back. It lasts for less than 5 seconds, just in time for Dongju to catch up and pull away, the sense in him knowing that it's wrong. He’s not taking part in this. 

“Shouldn’t you do this with Dongmyeong?” Dongju doesn’t know what to do, he feels guilt fill him knowing that this is where his brother should be, not him.

“No. He has to wait. I can’t give him what he wants this soon.” Dongju was confused in the moment, he didn’t understand Hwanwoong. Looking back he understands clearly what Hwanwoong meant. The boy was stringing Dongmyeong along, he was using him as a prop using him with the potential lifestyle of them being a couple. It makes Dongju sick to think someone could use others’ feelings like that. 

“Kiss me again” Hwanwoong tugs at Dongju’s collar. The boy pushes him off him, wiping his lips with his sleeve. He’s not falling into the palm of Hwanwoong’s hand, he isn’t going to be a part of his game.

“Go find Dongmyeong, don’t do this with me.” Dongju leaves Hwanwoong alone on the balcony, he rushes out of the house unable to bear another moment there, within Hwanwoong’s reach.

Dongju spilled what happened to Hyungu the next day. He couldn’t face going home to see Dongmyeong so he went to his neighbor’s house instead. Hyungu was taken aback but he agreed that telling Dongmyeong wasn’t a great idea. The boy was so deeply in love with Hwanwoong that knowing Dongju made out with him would break him.

“If it’s just a one-time thing and those feelings aren’t there then maybe-” Hyungu ponders his hands tapping on the armchair of his seat. He tries to weigh out both sides of the situation. 

“It was a drunken mistake. I can’t believe this” Dongju threw his head back as he yelled into his hands, angry at himself.

“Mistakes happen, especially drunken ones. At least it was just one kiss. '' Hyungu ruffles Dongju’s hair, the younger pouts as he looks over at Hyungu. 

“Do you want me to show you what happened?” Dongju doesn’t think the words leaving his mouth without thought. 

“What?” Hyungu looks almost mortified as he blinks rapidly at Dongju

“Nevermind.” Dongju buried his head in his knees, this was not the way he wanted his winter break to go.

Dongju thinks about visiting Hyungu, they were close and Hyungu always knew how to make him feel better but he couldn’t bring himself to visit his friend. Hyungu had probably forgotten about him, Dongju wasn’t very good at keeping in contact with his friends after he left. Dongmyeong did all the effort to keep their conversations going. Dongju blamed his lack of communication on work but he knew deep down it was the anxiety that he left. He knew that if he stayed things wouldn’t have changed. His life was good at home, moving was a risk and he was scared of remembering his old life not wanting it to ruin the new one he’s built up for himself.

Dongju gets drawn out of thinking as he hears his phone go off. It’s a news alert that his phone thinks that Dongju is dying to know about, he isn’t. He quickly looks at the headline, distraught when it’s Hwanwoong’s face as the thumbnail.

_“Rookie Actor, Yeo Hwanwoong gets his 2nd big blockbuster role”_

Dongju tugs at the grass next to him in anger, his face almost red. Hwanwoong hasn’t stopped following him, since he got Dongmyeong’s role in the musical he’s risen to fame. That could have been Dongmyeong, Dongju could have been bragging to his friends about how cool his brother is but Hwanwoong stripped that away from him. He took everything away from him.

No one believed him, he remembers storming into the police station the day he landed for the funeral, demanding to see the reports. Hwanwoong was crossed out on the suspect list, having an alibi. Dongju doubted it was real. With Dongmyeong gone Hwanwoong had everything, he had a career, he had money, he had fame. Dongmyeong was the only one blocking his way. 

His parents were ashamed of him for even thinking of accusing Hwanwoong who was a “good friend” of Dongmyeong’s. If only they knew what he was really like. If only they knew how Hwanwoong would purposely mess up with his so-called “good advice”. How he’d use Dongmyeong to meet people in the parties he was invited to, trying to get himself into the industry. How he’d take credit for Dongmyeong’s achievements as if he was the sole reason for Dongmyeong’s success. How he treated Dongmyeong like he was below him. It made Dongju so angry that everyone was blind to it all.

Dongju sits himself up from the grass, wiping his trousers down. He probably should have squatted but he didn’t think. His trousers were all damp and he had grass all up his left leg.

“See you soon Dongmyeong” Dongju bows his head before he leaves the graveyard. He has a plan, not a good one but Hwanwoong has to suffer even if it’s only for a brief moment. 

Dongju would visit the craft store often. He loved to make little things for Hyungu. The older had a whole shelf in his house just for them. Dongju hopes that Hyungu still has them but he wouldn’t be surprised if they were gone. Maybe Hyungu just kept them there to please him, or maybe he did actually like them. He always had a big smile when Dongju visited him with a handful of paper swans. Hyungu wasn’t a smiler but when it came to Dongju he’d smile like he was born to light up the world. Dongju missed him.

The red spray paint can caught Dongju’s eyes. The boy stood staring at it trying to figure out if this was a good idea or not. 

He buys it, deciding it’s better he owns it than him having to come back and they ran out. He’ll put the thought to the back of his head and try to live life as normally as he can. Hwanwoong ruined Dongmyeong’s life but he won’t ruin Dongju’s.

Being in Dongmyeong’s apartment was strange. Everything was left how it was, it was just like Dongmyeong. It was messy but clean enough to not have to tidy things up, it was lived in. Dongju saw all the different jumpers hanging off doors and chairs, he saw the piano Dongmyeong had. Moving that to the apartment was such a big job, but the reward of seeing Dongmyeong’s smile was worth it.

Dongju saw the array of makeup products scattered on the table. The amount he had could stock a store. Dongju couldn’t bear opening the door to his room, it was closed like it always was. Dongmyeong was very big on his privacy. Dongju turned to see the spare bedroom (he refused to call it Hwanwoong’s room) . It was empty, the older having moved out just days after Dongmyeong’s passing. Funny how he didn’t clean the apartment up. 

Dongju moved his suitcases into the room, it was getting late and the street lights had turned on to light the street. He didn’t have much of an appetite yet he thought he better eat something, he was going to need a lot of energy. 

He found a packet of ramen in the cupboard, he boiled the water letting the steam hit his face. He was filled with anger and sadness. It was a bad mix, unbearable pain. Dongju didn’t notice his tears until they hit the counter. He broke out crying as he stirred the ramen. 

_If I could rewind time  
Then I'd like to let you know  
Just one thing before your time go  
That every moment you were living was a blessing to me _

He felt so much pain from losing his brother, knowing he never got to say goodbye, telling him how much he meant to him, seeing him shine on stage. He lost Dongmyeong, he lost him to Hwanwoong.

As soon as Hwanwoong came into their lives Dongmyeong was a zombie, always by his side, he worshiped Hwanwoong. Dongmyeong lost himself, Hwanwoong took his self worth and used him. Dongju lost his brother long before he was actually gone.

Dongju took off with all this boiling anger, he ran to where Hwanwoong lived. His 1 million ridiculous mansion. The boy was the youngest person to purchase such an expensive house. Of course he would show off, probably made sure he’d make international news so Dongju would hear about it.

Dongju remembers how he broke down at a shoot after he heard about Hwanwoong getting the role. He was filled with jealousy that he got it and not Dongmyeong. He had to stay professional, having a model and crew waiting for him to work the equipment. No one commented on his puffy eyes and swollen eyes. 

Dongju remembers running through this very street with Dongmyeong on halloween night. They’d be all excited to get all the expensive chocolate from the big houses. They didn’t care if they didn’t fit in with all the other kids and their expensive SFX costumes, they still got the job done collecting the best treats. 

Hwanwoong’s house was one of the newer buildings, the scaffolding just going up the year before Dongju left. He was actually pretty excited to see what it’d look like. Until he found out Hwanwoong owned it, then his excitement disappeared in a flash.

Dongju got to work, pouring all his emotions into it. The red spray can was shaken vigorously, his hoodie pulled up over his nose so he didn’t breathe in anything nasty. He should have bought a proper mask but he didn’t exactly think this through. He’d use a lot of spray paint to decorate sets, he could call himself a pro with how he could make laborious designs like a bee dancing or an elegant swan. 

**K I L L E R**

Spray painted over the mansion in bright red. That was what Dongju’s great plan was. It didn’t really turn out like he expected. Looking at it from afar Dongju just felt guilt and the same hurt from before. Nothing had changed except for the fact he’d have to have a lot of soap to wash this paint off.

The message was clear. He thought he’d be pleased, but he wasn’t. He felt guilt build up with him as every second passed. This wasn’t the way to handle his anger at the boy. Even though his heart was sure Hwanwoong was the cause of the “accident” his brain still had some doubt. He didn’t want to accept the fact Dongmyeong did it. He wanted to blame someone, and that someone was Hwanwoong.

“Son Dongju?” Dongju’s eyes widen as he looks around for the sound. He can’t see anyone, so he thinks it’s just in his head. He undoes the bun his hair is in half of the strands already fell out as he was painting. His blonde hair hits his shoulders, he breathes in deeply, waiting for some sort of feeling to kick in.

“What the hell are you doing?” The voice speaks again and it clicks who it is. 

Yeo Hwanwoong. 

Dongju goes pale, fear all over his face. He turns to see a CCTV camera staring right at him, a speaker next to it. He’s been caught.

“The cops will be here in 30 seconds. I loved watching you express your creativity!” Hwanwoong’s voice rings in Dongju’s ears. The childish giggling tone patronising. 

Hwanwoong didn’t lie as lights shine at Dongju, about 5 torches all pointed at him. Dongju gulped, he knew he was in big trouble.

“Ok kid, Let’s head to the station?” The main officer calls out. He’s stuffing his face with a donut, probably thinking Dongju will be a pushover. Oh how wrong he was.

Dongju runs. He has no choice but to run, leaving Hwanwoong’s mansion with his message all across it. It was dumb but what else was he going to do, let Hwanwoong win? No way.

Maybe no one believes him but he knows the truth and he hopes Dongmyeong will be proud of him, wherever he might be. Even if he’s not watching Dongju, he hopes that his brother knows that he tried his best and he misses him. He just wants Dongmyeong to be happy. 

_I know that you're gonna fly  
Somewhere brighter on the other side  
I know you're somewhere where you're finally free  
And you'll always be a part of me  
Like the moon is to the sea _


	2. It's Alright (I'm here)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is inspired by [It's Alright](https://open.spotify.com/track/1NCZMAnGrzUmpBzkBlJjNw?si=NP6dCl9IRPiVy1V095gPoQ) by mother mother (my favorite song!!) but compared to the other 2 fics it's not that connected because I got carried away by the plot (again ik sorry!!)
> 
> As the first fic in this tag I hope I do a good job at this rare pairing! I love their admiration from each other so I thought what better that to turn that energy into writing a boy next door love story for the people!
> 
> This chapter is a lot lighter than the last so sit back and enjoy!!

Dongju comes running in, Hyungu almost falls out of his chair with the sudden intruder late at night. It’s been 4 years since he last saw Dongju. The younger was his neighbor, they grew up together, close-knitted, and became good friends. Hyungu didn’t realise Dongju had come home, and now him being back in his home brings back nostalgia from his childhood. Just one look at the younger has Hyungu melting in his thoughts. 

Dongju looks a lot more grown-up, sporting a hairstyle that makes him look like he’s stepped out of a Barbie movie. Dongju has always loved Barbie, he’d make Hyungu watch the movies with him whenever he had to look after the sick boy. Hyungu had to give it to him, the movies weren’t that bad even though he’d personally prefer Star Wars, Barbie was a refreshing change. Dongju would hum along to the songs, a rare occurrence but one Hyungu adored. 

Now however isn’t the time to reminisce, Dongju’s panting in his doorway as if he’d just run across the city. Hyungu’s startled but more importantly concerned about what's happening. Dongju was never the type to go on a jog, especially not this late at night. Dongju was scared of the dark, always cuddling up to Dongmyeong whenever they were outside late at night. Hyungu would do his best to try and explain the night isn’t scary but no matter how many stories Hyungu told Dongju about how fun nighttime is, the younger was still terrified. 

“What’s going on?” Hyungu rises from his seat, his cup of tea in his hand and his reading glasses sitting nicely on the bridge of his nose. He makes his way over to Dongju with small steps.

“Hyungu, I need to stay here for just a few hours” Dongju pants, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he holds onto the cabinet trying to catch his breath. 

“Is everything alright? “ Hyungu’s eyes are furrowed with concern and it warms Dongju to know that Hyungu still cares about him even if he’s been gone for 4 years. 

“I- well no?” Dongju looks up at Hyungu, his eyes sparkling like they were filled with stars. Hyungu has always loved his eyes, it was like he had his own personal outer space. 

“The police are after me and I need to hide” Dongju lets out a laugh, he can see the displeased look on Hyungu’s face.

“I’m a lawyer Dongju, I can’t hide criminals!” Hyungu places his coffee cup down, he places his hands on his hips and glares at Dongju. He’s awaiting an answer and Dongju gives it to him. He’s never not given into Hyungu’s glare. Hyungu was an easy person to trust and became Dongju's secret keeper. Hyungu always gave him good advice in return and they bonded through it.

“I’m not a criminal I just spray painted Hwanwoong’s mansion and they caught me red-handed,” Dongju lifts his hands, showing his palms to Hyungu “Quite literally”

“Dongju! Out of everyone, why him?” Hyungu leads the younger into his kitchen, he turns on the tap and watches the water flow out, filling the sink up. 

“Because,” there’s a pause and Hyungu looks at Dongju who’s biting his lip, thinking of how to tell Hyungu the truth no one believes ”I know he killed Dongmyeong” 

Hyungu takes a double-take, he looks at Dongju blinking rapidly. Dongmyeong’s death was an accident, everyone knew that. Blaming Hwanwoong was an insane idea, he wasn’t even investigated. Hyungu frowns, about to say something before Dongju cuts him off. 

“I know it’s insane for me to blame him with no evidence but I know it, in here” Dongju points at his heart. Hyungu lets out a laugh, breezy and soft. Dongju has always been adorable, and nothing has changed. Being adorable won’t save him from being sued for defamation by a now millionaire. Since Hwanwoong got picked up by a big agency his life had changed overnight.

“I always say trust your intuition but this is a little far-fetched? It’s a dangerous game you're playing and I’m sure Hwanwoong is grieving just like you. Don’t blame him.” Hyungu grabs Dongju’s hands, placing them in the water. The younger hisses, the water too warm for him. He bites his tongue and says nothing and Hyungu knows he’s upset. 

“Whatever, Hwanwoong isn’t hurt it’s fine right?” Dongju looks at Hyungu with his big pleading eyes, hoping for Hyungu to battle the voices in his head calling him a monster.

“It’s fine, a bit dumb but fine. Just leave him to go about his day. He was a good friend to your brother” Hyungu tried the water again, it should be slightly cooler now. Dongju doesn’t hiss this time, maybe because he’s too focused on the growing yells of his head. He’s a monster, he shouldn’t point his finger accusing Hwanwoong because of bad blood. He messed up. He’s horrid. He’s a monster.

_I did one million stupid things  
I said one billion foolish things  
I'm not okay  
I got a baseball bat beside my bed  
The fight I fought inside my head  
The fight I fought behind my meds  
I'm lonely, lost in pain _

Hyungu scrubs the paint off Dongju’s hands, the red paint swirls down the sink. The room is silent neither of them talk but it’s not awkward it’s nice. Hyungu has a lot to ask Dongju about but right now he needs to focus on getting the paint off the younger’s hand.

“What did you even paint?” Hyungu speaks up as he dries Dongju’s hands with a towel. It’s the same towel he used to clean up Dongju’s hair after a water fight they had 4 summers ago. The younger screeched as he ran away from the sprays of the hose. Hyungu threw balloons at him, his hair soaked and his whole body shaking in the cold breeze that passed by.

“Killer” Dongju’s head drops in shame.

“Ouch” Hyungu chuckles but soon stops as he sees Dongju’s eyes well up in tears. 

“I’m a bad person aren’t I?” Dongju tries his hardest to hold back his tears, the last thing he wants to do is cry. Hyungu has seen him cry before, Dongju wears his heart on his sleeve, something Hyungu finds brave. He’s never been the best at consoling but he tries either way.

“No. You’re not a bad person at all. You’re grieving and you just made a little mistake” Hyungu pats the younger’s head but it just makes him cry harder, the tears rushing down his face.

“I’m a monster” Dongju repeats as he cries, covering his face with his hands.

_“it's alright, it's okay. You're not a monster, just a human”_ Hyungu wraps Dongju into a hug. They have known each other for 10 years, but this is the first time they’ve hugged properly. Hyungu isn’t a skinship person but he’ll make this one exception. 

“It’s okay, calm down it’s ok” Hyungu hushes as Dongju buries himself in his shoulder. He leads Dongju away from the sink, sitting down on the sofa instead. Dongju buries his head into Hyungu’s stomach as his head lays in his lap. Dongju always would fall asleep in Hyungu’s lap when they were friends back in the day. Dongju napped often and Dongmyeong was too busy running around so Hyungu was his personal pillow. 

Hyungu’s hand went straight to his hair, brushing the blonde strands behind his ear. He didn’t have time to take in Dongju’s presence until now. He looks slightly older, obviously since 4 years have passed. His cheeks have gotten slimmer, having a sharp jawline now. He’s a lot taller than he used to be, Hyungu’s glad he still has some height over him. Dongju’s blonde hair suited him, it made him look elegant like a prince.

“I like your hair”

“Thank you” Dongju looks up at Hyungu, smiling at him with his puffy eyes. They stay staring at each other for a few seconds, neither of them breaking eye contact.

“Was the internship good? Did they treat you well?”

“They were great, I learned a lot” Dongju’s heart rose to know Hyungu still took interest in him.

“I can’t believe you became a lawyer” Dongju giggles as he imagines Hyungu sitting in court with one of those white wigs.

“Music just didn’t work out” Hyungu shrugs, a hint of sadness left in his voice. Dongju immediately jumps up, sitting on his knees

“Will you play me something? I missed my super cool guitar best friend” Dongju pleads, his eyes twinkling brightly.

“I mean..” Hyungu looks at his guitar that’s placed against the wall. It’s been a while since he last played. The last time was to Yonghoon on the older’s rooftop. His guitar held a lot of memories.

“Please” Dongju pleads.

“Fine” Hyungu gets up to grab the guitar.  
He couldn’t possibly say no to Dongju and his pleading eyes. Dongju was good at getting his way and maybe Hyungu was a fool falling right into his hand but he didn’t mind it. Every strum of his guitar was worth it to see Dongju smile, watching him with interest.

“It’s weird, isn’t it? Without him” Dongju wipes his eyes with his sleeve. Hyungu agrees he’d do anything to hear Dongmyeong’s voice with them right now. It was always the three of them and now with just two, it was weird. Hyungu places his guitar in his lap, fiddling with the position of it.

“I’m sure he’s listening.” Hyungu always speaks the truth, he doesn’t say things to please people. Dongju likes his straightforwardness. He likes everything about Hyungu, being back is reminding him of how much he missed him. 

“I missed you when I was away” Dongju shoves Hyungu’s guitar away so he can sit in his lap, nuzzling his face in Hyungu’s broad shoulder. Dongju would often act like a cat, being clingy to the person nearest to him. Hyungu would usually shove him away but today he took him in.

“You could have called'' Hyungu's bittersweet about it. Dongju never messaged him after he left, as if Hyunug didn’t mean anything and was just a passing in his life. Just a regular check-in would have been fine, once a month or something. Hyungu heard nothing, and his wishful thinking slowly faded away.

“I was jealous” Dongju pouted

“Of?”

“Yonghoon”

“Oh” Hyungu bit his lip. He and Yonghoon briefly dated shortly after Dongju left, It didn’t work out for them. Hyungu tried to blame it on himself, that he wasn’t fit for a relationship but deep down it was because he was longing for someone else. Yonghoon wasn’t the one he truly loved, he was just a mere distraction. 

“I didn’t love him” 

“You dated him?”

“Because I was missing you-” Hyungu doesn’t realise he voiced out his thoughts until it was too late and Dongju was sitting upright and alert on his lap.

“You missed me? So you got a boyfriend. Hyungu that’s kind of suspicious” Dongju giggles as he watches Hyungu’s cheeks redden in embarrassment. 

“I didn’t-”

“You didn’t what?” Dongju pushes. He always pushed Hyungu’s buttons, breaking down his walls before he could even put them up. Maybe that’s why Dongju never left Hyungu’s brain. There was no one like him, no one who cared so much about him that he pushed him to be let in. 

“You just should have texted me ok” Hyungu sighs but it’s not in annoyance, more heartfelt.

“Fine. You should have just told me you like me though maybe I would have stayed” Dongju bites his cheek, a cheeky smirk on his face.

“Don’t say stuff like that!” Hyungu hits the youngers shoulder 

“I like you so what? I would have stayed if I knew that you liked me too.” Dongju shrugs as he gets off of Hyungu, standing so he’s towering over him instead.

“I just-” Hyungu’s speechless, unsure of how to tread on these waters.

“Hyungu it’s been 4 years. I’ve grown up and so have you. It’s no big deal if you don’t feel the same anymore”

Hyungu feels like he’ll catch on fire if the conversation keeps going this way. He’s not good at expressing his emotions but Dongju has him cornered.

“Sorry I’m bombarding you aren’t I?” Dongju looks around for anything he can stir the topic to, the atmosphere getting too awkward for his liking. 

“Does Geonhak, that millionaire kid, still live around here?” Dongju picks up a ceramic doll, one of the many ornaments along with Hyungu’s fireplace.

“His parents gifted him the creepy mansion on Valkyrie avenue. He gave it a makeover and lives in there now” Hyungu sits up, fixing the sleeves of his shirt.

“Oh, that haunted one? Remember when me and Dongmyeong dragged you there” Dongju laughs, remembering Hyungu’s face getting green when he saw the paintings swinging on their own. It wasn’t scientifically possible what he saw in there and to this day he never forgets the paranormal activities he encountered.

“I don’t like to reminisce about it,” Hyungu sighs, shaking his head at the thoughts resurfacing.

“Did you make a lot of friends over there?” Hyungu asks. He sees Dongju's face saddened, his smile dimmer than it was.

“No. Not ones that stuck around for long” 

“I missed you a lot. I was too scared to remember you and see how lonely I was over there, that's why I cut contact. I’m not a jerk just so we’re on the same page” Dongju smiles again as he makes his way back over to Hyungu.

“Can I stay the night? Will your parents mind?”

“Oh, they’re away this weekend. They’ve gone to see some show so no they won’t mind” Hyungu gets up and heads towards his room to grab the air mattress. 

“You sleep on the bed, you need a good rest after your long flight” Hyungu points at his bed, it’s pristine with the bed done perfectly. Dongju snickers, remembering how messy Hyungu’s room used to be. His mother would scold him all the time for having socks laying everywhere.

“The shelf!” Dongju gasps as he runs towards it. The paper swans still hang from it, his clay snowman standing tall. Hyungu smiles watching Dongju look in fasicantion.

“I can’t believe you still have these!” Dongju spins to face Hyungu smiling. He feels the butterflies fly around.

“I had no reason to get rid of them” Hyungu shrugs as he goes back to pump the air mattress up. He could never get himself to pull them down, everyone held a memory that Hyungu wanted to deeply cherish. 

“Wait your luggage?” Hyungu suddenly remembers about Dongju and his things. He hopes the boy didn’t leave his stuff in the middle of the street, they’d all be gone by now.

“Dongmyeong’s place. I’m staying there until the lease runs out next year. He was dumb for down paying 3 years” Dongju shrugs as he helps Hyungu put the spare bedding on the mattress. 

“He’s still caring for you even to this day. Lucky you!” Hyungu ruffles his hair again.

Both boys get into their beds. Dongju laying on his side to look down at Hyungu who’s on the mattress.

“You’re really pretty. My agency would have hired you” Dongju holds Hyungu’s chin in his hands, eyes scanning all over his face.

“Thanks” Hyungu stutters, flustered with the compliment.

“Things haven’t changed really?” Dongju slides down from the bed onto the mattress, so he’s opposite Hyungu. The older shifts to make room for him.

“No it’s all the same” Hyungu finds it weird how they just picked their relationship back up. It doesn’t happen often, normally it would be awkward glances in the shop, not Dongju sitting in his bed with him, calling him beautiful. It’s strange but Hyungu likes it.

“You’re still as charming as always” Dongju smirks

“You’re still cute” Hyungu teases back. He liked how they could comfortably compliment each other like this. It was like there was no limit in their own little world. Hyungu could be himself and Dongju would love every bit of him.

“You never realise a good thing until it’s gone and that’s alright isn’t it? Because you’re here with me now” Dongju goes to grab Hyungu’s hands, brushing his fingers over the textured skin from all the blisters of guitar playing. Maybe it could be seen as gross in someone’s eyes but to Dongju it’s a reminder of how hard-working Hyungu is and he loves it.

“I’m always here for you Dongju” Hyungu realises the sappiness but he rolls with it. He has to. Dongju heard it and will probably pin it over him for the next 3 months.

“Am I reading the room wrong?”

Hyungu has to think. He really wants this, he always has but he racializes too much and never took the leap. Now years later Dongju is in the very room he’d cry himself to sleep because he missed him. Dongju is waiting for him to answer his pleas. Dongju wants him and Hyungu has to realise that there’s no logical reason why he should pretend that the ever longing feelings aren’t there.

“No, you’re not”

Dongju is inches from Hyungu’s lips, leaning in, eyes fluttering closed. 

“Hyungu?” Yonghoon burst in, his voice loud amongst the quietness of the room. Dongju falls back in surprise, their lips never met.

“Yonghoon fuck off” Hyungu throws his slipper out from his room, leading Yonghoon in. 

Yonghoon looks at Dongju and then looks at Hyungu. Both boys' faces are bright red as they sit cross-legged on the air mattress. 

“Oh….Did I interrupt something?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a punching bag for that ending. Did you really think you'll get 2 kiss scenes out of me *sighs* /j
> 
> maybe Yonghoon's and Hyungu's not so epic love story is in the works *wink wink*

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this story! Comments and Kudos are appreciated !!


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